In Memory

Two years have passed since a tragedy happened. There was shooting and a fire in my school and many died. This happened a year before I started this school so I wasn't there at that time but still this affected me strongly. There were two girls I knew, one I had met only few brief times and another I had known for years. I want to dedicate this post to those who suffered two years ago, some of them survived, some not.

I wrote a poem for those you died. I did a free translate for those who don't understand finnish.

 

Sytytän kynttilöitä ja olen aivan hiljaa. 

Kukaan ei enää toivo teille pahaa. 

Ikkunasta kaukaisten kynttilöiden loiston näen. 

Yö on kylmä ja pimeä, mutta loiste kirkas silti on.

Yhden silloisen ajatukseni muistan. 

Pienen kyyneleen poskelleni tippua annan.

Kaksi vuotta on jo mennyt aikaa. 

Vaan tuska ja suru vieläkin painaa.

Olisin halunnut vielä tavata, 

tuntemaan oppia ja olla ystävä.

Onneksi voin silti muistella. 

Yhteisiä aikoja, niitä mukavia muistoja.

Tänään hiljennymme teidän muistoksi. 

Ehkä kaikki muuttuu vielä paremmaksi..

-----

I light some candles and stay silent. 

No one wishes you harm anymore.

I see candlelights shine far away from my window. 

The night is cold and dark but they still shine brightly.

I recall a thought I had back then. 

I let a little tear fall down on my cheek.

Two years have already passed. 

But the pain and sorrow still linger inside me.

I would have wanted to meet you again, 

get to know you and be your friend.

Luckily I can still remember. 

Time we spent together, all those happy memories.

Today we quiet down in your memory. 

Maybe everything will turn out for the best sometime..

{\LostFairy/}

Changes

I've always wanted to change. Radically. I don't believe I've ever been satisfied with myself. Well, I believe this is something others feel from time to time, am I right? No one is satisfied with everything entirely. I'm not talking just about looks.
These few weeks I've been wondering about my life and myself a bit deeper than usually. The only thing I've noticed is that when there was moments I decided to change, I didn't and when I did change, I didn't want to. Well, I change in ways I didn't want to. Maybe that's the way kids turn to adults. Sometimes I sure feel like it..
This last year has been my year of changes. Mainly the move to my own place, new school, new friends and so on made my life take a different turn from earlier.
But then there were these few other things that made the surroundings change.
Let's just say my uncle from my mom's side died. And then my granny from dad's side died. And then my only sister got married.
These all was kind of expected but still they came and suprised me from behind. I feel that these are the things that made me realise the fragility of life and how everything I think I know and believe dances on a blade and it can all fail me and just break apart.

My uncle's dead wasn't so suprising 'cause we've known that he had problem with booze many years. So the slowly way (I'll say it harsly) he drank himself to death wasn't a suprise. But still. He was the first person from my close relatives to die. It was still a bit sudden. That was some cold winter. A change.

Summer was in it's fullest and there wasn't a simple thing that was different from any other summer day. One Thursday I visited briefly my granma and I remember my last words that day was just simple "See ya again sometime!" I rushed to the door and saw granma wave her hand and smile at me as I left. The next Tuesday she rode a bike to the chapel. Well, almost. There was a car. She fell to the asphalt and hit her head. About a week later she finally got to the chapel and hopefully heard our singing she liked so much. Another change.

My sister was engaged many years and I've known the wedding date over a year so it really wasn't a suprise. The late spring and the beginning of the summer was full of waiting. Well, it stopped for a moment but then the preparations begin again. The suprise-moment came still when I saw my sister makings her vows to her husband I realised that this is it. This is the last time I hear her old last name and now she has officially "left" the family she was born in and formed a new one. It made me happy for her but at the same time it made me sad. Nothing much has changed between us since then but I could say that this fact has been haunting be at a back of my head since then. We're close so it doesn't really mean a thing. But. Another change.

Maybe someone thinks that these are just minor things or that these doesn't affect personal life so much or are just part of it. But after this all I can say that my life turned a different leaf. I'm not going to just stand still doing nothing. I AM going to change!
I've now seen how my mom has slowly survived from her loss and took a new turn for her life. She really shook me up when she told me about her new investments and changes about her everyday-life.
I'm worry for my mom but she has dad so she's okay, I think. I worry about granpa alone in the huge empty farm but he has something he enjoys now so I worry about him a little less.

Yesterday I heard one man talk about his life and how he changed it and had never regretted it. That inspired me a lot too to actually make these few changes with my life happen for real. Some has seen my new look and said it suits me. That is a way to keep reminding myself in front of my mirror why I have and must change. And this time I really mean to make it happen. Maybe then after a while, I can look myself in the mirror and smile for a change as a better person.



sun on waves, wind of change?

Summer is the only time when my mind runs totally free

One day in June I was spending my summer holiday with my dad. My dad is crazy over boats so of course our day together was a boat trip. Nothing wrong with it, of course. My dad has a pretty decent boat and is a very safe driver. I took camera with me and took over 300 pics from the 8h trip :DD mostly from water and clouds. And from the beautiful little islands and shores too.
It was so nice weather I burned myself but I didn't even care. We were "sailing" on a pretty big lake so there was a nice cool breeze the whole time.
There was a funny-looking cloud above us and I took a pic from it. I was so suprised when dad said he saw a figure in it and it was the same I saw! I had always thought only my mom had as wild imagination as me but suprisingly, my dad has it too. What a joy!

Here you can see the original pic and the figure I saw with dad then and what I just saw when I looked at it again. Strange how clouds can sometimes seem to be like something else..





1. original
2. a dog
3. a boxer

Can you see them..?

{\LostFairy/}

I have a new scanner, yay!

I decided to get a new combi-printer-copy machine-scanner. I was so fed up with taking my new pics to my parents and scan them there with the lousy pc! Luckily I found a pretty cheep model which was also on sale and so I bought it! I've now copied and printed many papers with it and I couldn't be happier^^ These are some of my pics I've finally scanned. Hope you like them!^^

hit and run beaver

chicken

happy cactus

pirate seal

happy groceries

little birdie

hairy fellow

Hello Kissy [kis:i]

swan

rose tattoo model to a friend

grinning fly agaric (with a bit unsteady footing)


Hope you like these. Comment which is your favorite! :)

{\LostFairy/}