In Memory

Two years have passed since a tragedy happened. There was shooting and a fire in my school and many died. This happened a year before I started this school so I wasn't there at that time but still this affected me strongly. There were two girls I knew, one I had met only few brief times and another I had known for years. I want to dedicate this post to those who suffered two years ago, some of them survived, some not.

I wrote a poem for those you died. I did a free translate for those who don't understand finnish.

 

Sytytän kynttilöitä ja olen aivan hiljaa. 

Kukaan ei enää toivo teille pahaa. 

Ikkunasta kaukaisten kynttilöiden loiston näen. 

Yö on kylmä ja pimeä, mutta loiste kirkas silti on.

Yhden silloisen ajatukseni muistan. 

Pienen kyyneleen poskelleni tippua annan.

Kaksi vuotta on jo mennyt aikaa. 

Vaan tuska ja suru vieläkin painaa.

Olisin halunnut vielä tavata, 

tuntemaan oppia ja olla ystävä.

Onneksi voin silti muistella. 

Yhteisiä aikoja, niitä mukavia muistoja.

Tänään hiljennymme teidän muistoksi. 

Ehkä kaikki muuttuu vielä paremmaksi..

-----

I light some candles and stay silent. 

No one wishes you harm anymore.

I see candlelights shine far away from my window. 

The night is cold and dark but they still shine brightly.

I recall a thought I had back then. 

I let a little tear fall down on my cheek.

Two years have already passed. 

But the pain and sorrow still linger inside me.

I would have wanted to meet you again, 

get to know you and be your friend.

Luckily I can still remember. 

Time we spent together, all those happy memories.

Today we quiet down in your memory. 

Maybe everything will turn out for the best sometime..

{\LostFairy/}

Changes

I've always wanted to change. Radically. I don't believe I've ever been satisfied with myself. Well, I believe this is something others feel from time to time, am I right? No one is satisfied with everything entirely. I'm not talking just about looks.
These few weeks I've been wondering about my life and myself a bit deeper than usually. The only thing I've noticed is that when there was moments I decided to change, I didn't and when I did change, I didn't want to. Well, I change in ways I didn't want to. Maybe that's the way kids turn to adults. Sometimes I sure feel like it..
This last year has been my year of changes. Mainly the move to my own place, new school, new friends and so on made my life take a different turn from earlier.
But then there were these few other things that made the surroundings change.
Let's just say my uncle from my mom's side died. And then my granny from dad's side died. And then my only sister got married.
These all was kind of expected but still they came and suprised me from behind. I feel that these are the things that made me realise the fragility of life and how everything I think I know and believe dances on a blade and it can all fail me and just break apart.

My uncle's dead wasn't so suprising 'cause we've known that he had problem with booze many years. So the slowly way (I'll say it harsly) he drank himself to death wasn't a suprise. But still. He was the first person from my close relatives to die. It was still a bit sudden. That was some cold winter. A change.

Summer was in it's fullest and there wasn't a simple thing that was different from any other summer day. One Thursday I visited briefly my granma and I remember my last words that day was just simple "See ya again sometime!" I rushed to the door and saw granma wave her hand and smile at me as I left. The next Tuesday she rode a bike to the chapel. Well, almost. There was a car. She fell to the asphalt and hit her head. About a week later she finally got to the chapel and hopefully heard our singing she liked so much. Another change.

My sister was engaged many years and I've known the wedding date over a year so it really wasn't a suprise. The late spring and the beginning of the summer was full of waiting. Well, it stopped for a moment but then the preparations begin again. The suprise-moment came still when I saw my sister makings her vows to her husband I realised that this is it. This is the last time I hear her old last name and now she has officially "left" the family she was born in and formed a new one. It made me happy for her but at the same time it made me sad. Nothing much has changed between us since then but I could say that this fact has been haunting be at a back of my head since then. We're close so it doesn't really mean a thing. But. Another change.

Maybe someone thinks that these are just minor things or that these doesn't affect personal life so much or are just part of it. But after this all I can say that my life turned a different leaf. I'm not going to just stand still doing nothing. I AM going to change!
I've now seen how my mom has slowly survived from her loss and took a new turn for her life. She really shook me up when she told me about her new investments and changes about her everyday-life.
I'm worry for my mom but she has dad so she's okay, I think. I worry about granpa alone in the huge empty farm but he has something he enjoys now so I worry about him a little less.

Yesterday I heard one man talk about his life and how he changed it and had never regretted it. That inspired me a lot too to actually make these few changes with my life happen for real. Some has seen my new look and said it suits me. That is a way to keep reminding myself in front of my mirror why I have and must change. And this time I really mean to make it happen. Maybe then after a while, I can look myself in the mirror and smile for a change as a better person.



sun on waves, wind of change?

Summer is the only time when my mind runs totally free

One day in June I was spending my summer holiday with my dad. My dad is crazy over boats so of course our day together was a boat trip. Nothing wrong with it, of course. My dad has a pretty decent boat and is a very safe driver. I took camera with me and took over 300 pics from the 8h trip :DD mostly from water and clouds. And from the beautiful little islands and shores too.
It was so nice weather I burned myself but I didn't even care. We were "sailing" on a pretty big lake so there was a nice cool breeze the whole time.
There was a funny-looking cloud above us and I took a pic from it. I was so suprised when dad said he saw a figure in it and it was the same I saw! I had always thought only my mom had as wild imagination as me but suprisingly, my dad has it too. What a joy!

Here you can see the original pic and the figure I saw with dad then and what I just saw when I looked at it again. Strange how clouds can sometimes seem to be like something else..





1. original
2. a dog
3. a boxer

Can you see them..?

{\LostFairy/}

I have a new scanner, yay!

I decided to get a new combi-printer-copy machine-scanner. I was so fed up with taking my new pics to my parents and scan them there with the lousy pc! Luckily I found a pretty cheep model which was also on sale and so I bought it! I've now copied and printed many papers with it and I couldn't be happier^^ These are some of my pics I've finally scanned. Hope you like them!^^

hit and run beaver

chicken

happy cactus

pirate seal

happy groceries

little birdie

hairy fellow

Hello Kissy [kis:i]

swan

rose tattoo model to a friend

grinning fly agaric (with a bit unsteady footing)


Hope you like these. Comment which is your favorite! :)

{\LostFairy/}

Summer nights are very beautiful

I was driving with my scooter again tonight. There was a really beautiful purple red sky as the sun set and I thought that I would go to the same birdwatchers tower I was before. I was feeling even more happy when I remembered I had borrowed mom's camera and I took it with me. Yay, no more lousy quality shots!

After I got to the tower, I listened so good song with my mp3-player I didn't wanna stop there so I went a little further. I went near a little village that belongs to my home city. I drove there once before and I remembered that a train track went over the road. Oh how I hate to cross train tracks! I already saw the train "traffic light" was blinking yellow when I saw movement on my left side. I was slightly shocked when I recognized these moving creatures as horses. Oh how beautifully one brown one was running^^ I stopped my scooter on the other side of the road. I was slightly relieved it was almost midnight and so there was no one around. I was kinda embarrassed taking pictures of some strangers horses.

I experienced a great moment with the horses. I tried to move slowly to that they wouldn't be so afraid of me. I just stood there beside the road a while and this brown one which had a white spot on its forehead(it's called a star) and which I saw running before was curious of me. It came slowly closer and looked at me. I just stood there silently and smiled back at it. Then the others came closer too. Slowly and causiously. But still closer and closer. I was so amazed I just stared their beauty. I lifted slowly my hand and started to take few pics but the horses were so cautious they went farther away from me as I started to move. I stopped taking pics and stood still again a while. The black one which was with the smallest(I don't know if it was a small young horse or a pony but it was quite clear the black one was protecting it from me) came closer and was interested about my doing. But as I seemed to stand so far away and doing nothing seemed harmless, it relaxed and kept eating with other ones. One of my best movies ever is The Horse Whisperer and I really love horses. It was only one brief moment with them but I somehow felt connected with them. There was something nice to the way all of them were coming closer to me calmly and slowly as I was their friend. Well, I know now they were from a known and good horse stable and the horses were trained to ride with different kind of people everyday. But I still felt something I like to think it was a some kind of connection with me and them.




I didn't want to bother them any longer so I walked back to my scooter and noticed another beautiful place. There was a small river going on the other side of the road and as the sun set, it showed me a beautiful old bridge and water shimmering beneath it. That was already a second beautiful moment in the last ten minutes and i was again stunned by the natures beauty. After I took some pics from the bridge too, I started my scooter and left back to the birdwatchers tower to take pics from the sunset before it was all dark.



My family, well mainly my big sister, said to me last year that I'm definitely a indoor-type but I don't really think so anymore. I know I like to spend time indoors more than outdoors in summer heat but sometimes I just have to go to the nature and watch its beauty and wonders to regain my inner strength. Only music and me and exploring some new routes here and there, that's the thing that keeps me going :)

Here is some pics from the birdwatchers tower I took. They don't really show the real colors I saw with my eyes but it's still something.




As I was up on the tower I noticed how it was little wobbly but I still wasn't scared. I thought maybe my summerjob 2 years ago cured my fear of heights. My summerjob was to be a guide in a sightseeing place and one of its job was to climb to the watchtowers first "deck" and open a lock in the morning and lock it every evening. The watchtower is 21 meters high but I was able to climb it many times all the way to the top. So maybe I should say my fear of hights is gone for good ;) Here's some more pics from the tower.





The summer is finally here!! I recommend to all of you that you spend some of your vacation to explore the areas near your home(or farther), you might find something interesting! ..but remember to watch the weather reports too, don't want you to get all wet and get a summer cold either. But enjoy your summer so that you can remember the most enjoyed moments when the winter comes(and it will) again!


{\ LostFairy /}

Summer therapy and swans

My favorite hobby in summer is just to put mp3-player to my ears and go for a ride without any plans. Sometimes I go riding with my bike(and very rarely with my dad's/mom's car) but mostly I just take my scooter. I like the speed and the fact you're more safe against cars with more speed and hard helmet than with just a bike and nothing more to protect you. Maybe I really should wear a helmet while riding a bike........:D

SO I just got my scooter(I like to say it's mine but it's really my dads. I don't know why I explained this but what a hell, I'm just rambeling anyway..)after it was fixed and decided to take a ride with it. Gotta test it works, don't you agree? :D
Well, I had my mp3 and nearly full gastank so I rided randomly here and there around this town. After driving about 8km from the center of the town I found this great birdwatchers tower with a great view(it was around sundown). I took this photo to remind me later on where it was :D





After stopping there, I noticed on my way back that there was a herd of swans on a field right next to the road. Naturally I stopped and took pics from them^^





And yes I know very well that this is the worst quality pic ever and my phones camera is a pain in the ass coz everytime you zoom you get this bad quality-shots and then you just wanna throw the whole thing away! but at least I had a cam with me so I'm somehow still quite happy about it.


I love the two swans in the center. The male was the leader(obviously). I heard it warn others everytime he saw me moving closer. But as you can see, the two who are facing each others were lovers and they were so gentle towards each others. I know swans are mated for life so it made me feel even more warm inside^^ I tried to take pics from their loving movement but this is the best I could get. I've seen some pics from swan-couples that are facing each others so that their necks and head make a heart and they really did it many times <3>

Women..and yes I'm too a woman and in her shoes had acted the same way. Or maybe not. I'm from coutryside so this phenomenon that happens every spring isn't so rare to me. But gotta say, I still like watching birds.

One of my dearest memories from childhood was when my mom took me and maybe my sister(?) to a real birdwatchers tower. It was near a lake so there was nearly a hundred different bird resting and eating. It was not so far from home but it was still a great adventure!

It was quite late at night and quite chilly too when I got back home but it was really a great trip! I always get a better good after driving a bit alone and I think it's my summer therapy. Music and changing scenery. What else do you need to feel refreshed? =^.^=



Tell me about your own experiences about animals, driving, summer or what's your way to relax and to get some steam off your head. So please comment and let me know you've visited here :)


{\ LostFairy /}

Some drawings with my wild imagination. Again :D

These are the scribbles I told you about in my first post. For those who haven't read it, I'll explain:
My bathroom window is a very see-though and I have to cover it with a thick curtain. It's black and white and full of scenery. One day I looked at it and started to imagine weird shapes and characters in its water, clouds etc. These are the scribbles I draw at that time. Please try to understand, I have a Very Wild imagination ;)









These are just one part of my drawings I've made these couple of weeks. Now finally when I have a place I can publish them without feeling remorse, I've had enormous inspiration and kept paper and pencil always near me. Well, most of the time. Like in a buss to Helsinki last Saturday, clock was about 6 in the morning and I only had a pen with me. My workplace have taught me to use all kinds of paper notepaper and so I draw some drawings you see here drawn on serviettes ;D When you have an inspiration, you just can't help it.


I've been reading a very interesting interactive comic lately and I'm so crazy about it! The artist continues it by taking ideas from the comments we give her in deviantART. And so far, it's been really great! I've been drawing two fanart for it these past few days. But I'm still not satisfied about the result. Maybe after I get them done I'll show you them to you too....maybe. If you have dA-profile, go and check stola-comic!



This week I'm going to visit mom and dad again and then can scan more pics, yay! Next autumn, I gotta get a printer that scans too. Scanner for the drawings and printer for school (well, I must use it for something truly useful or I can't defend my money spending to my mom :D) If I get enough money. So maybe this is just talk and it's never gonna happen buuuuuut I can always dream ;)

"A good deed in a day makes the world a better place" ..or does it?

Last weeks thursday I had a holiday from work and was fixing mom's childhood-house with her. That day was full of funny and happy moments!
We found and cleaned few boards in order to paint them for the repair of the old and broken boards near the roof. My mom was the one lifting the heavy boards from the whole pile of them. Well, as we continued it about a half an hour she said "let's take a break and drink some coffee"
Hahaha, I started laughing so hard my tummy hurt :'D I had gotten used to much more and heavier labour in my kitchen work than just a bit of lifting and she wanted to have a break already! Well, while laughing I still went with mom and drank some coffee.
I thought about the issue again and started laughing so loudly mom insisted to know what was I laughing about. Well, while laughing a little more, I explained to her the whole ridiculous amout of work before the break and she began to laugh with me :D Well, the next lifting was done by me and we work a lot harder and longer before another break ;) but how nice it was just to laugh with my mom from the bottom of your heart^^

There are many other old buildnings too in the yard of course. I was curious about the old barn what was right next to the place we were going to paint the boards. The sight of a wooden, red and slightly damaged barn was almost poetic.
Mom told me the last winter a huge amout of snow destroyed the roof with its weight but I found the broken barn even more interesting coz inside where the roof had fallen, there was so beautiful sight when the sun shone from the window and there was growing a little bit of very green moss on top of the broken roof parts. I took a pic of it with my cell but it doesn't make right to the real light and sight.



Life sure is amazing, first it destroys something and then grows new on top of it and it goes around and around and around. Forever.......

After seeing the inside of it, I noticed that the front windows of the barn were a little broken. I saw a butterfly fluttering in an old spiderweb behind the window and thought how the poor dead thing was fluttering in the little breeze of wind. I looked a little closely coz I really like butterflies and tried to recognize its species. I noticed something shocking: it was ALIVE!?! There was no breeze of wind, it was just trying to get free from the web. In a split of a second my pity and sorrow turned a thought of a rescue and I went inside to free the butterfly. It was so exhausted I had no problem catching it. I tried to take it outside while being careful not to break its wings. I took it on the ground but it just stood still and then just walked around and around in the long grass. I got a little worried and noticed it had a little bit of the web still on its wings and took it off. I was again full of pity to the butterfly that still didn't seem to get on its wings. I took it carefully on top of my hand and lifted it to air. A small breeze was just going and I lifted my hand higher to the air and IT FLEW AWAY!

I was full of happiness from the saving of this small butterfly. I know it only gets to live a day but because of it I think its life is so precious. I clearly have a soft spot to them but who doesn't? As you see in the pic I took before it flew away, it's fully ok and maybe got a better chance to live its very short life happily. The pessimistic in the back of my head whispered in my head that maybe it was eaten in less than 5min since there's so many birds flying around above us. Well, who knows but I still would like to think because I was able to help the little being it made a little difference to the world. Maybe I think too big but who cares ;)


I hope this little true story of my happy holiday makes you smile. And I hope you spend your beginning of the summer caring from other beings in this world. I think it's the thought that counts. And if you're making your good thoughts into reality: well, that's just awesome!

Have a nice beginning of the warm(hot?) summer and take care!


XoXoXo

the animal lover and eternal dreamer,
LostFairy

Funny mushroom and some stream of consciousness

Nature sure is amazing. Found this champignon last summer when I was grilling mushrooms with my sister. It's fully natural, didn't alter it in any way. I think it looks like a clown with bignose (like the finnish Pelle Hermanni). I'm curious to hear if what everyone thinks of this so PLEASE COMMENT! :D


I'm so happy my mom called me yesterday and said she's going to pick me up to see her and dad tomorrow (well actually today, it's already past midnight ;). I can finally scan the pics (don't own a scan, I'm a penniless student) I've been drawing these days. Oh and burn some cds to a co-worker/friend of mine as I promised.

Computers sure are tough. I have a Acer Travelmate laptop (for 2 years) and it's really pain in the ass (pauses, takes a deep breath and try to substene the anger and frustration). Well, one night I noticed my dvd-driver doesn't work anymore. I was very happy (NOT!!) and after one day trying to fix it, I realised it was impossible for me and the fault is in Windows. So have to install the whole thing again, DAMMIT! So now I couldn't burn the music for my friend as I promised. Luckily mom called and saved the day^^

Last sunday was Mother's Day and I really thought what would I do without mine. I've been working long days lately (9h in busy kitchen on your feet is Really Hard Work). One time mom was conserned about my well-being and gave me some footsalt. Oh how relaxing it was just to sit on the sofa and soak your feet in warm saltwater. I even zoned out for a while :D I think everyone who has a mother near them or even still in this world should show their mother some love and respect. And I know Mother's Day already went but I think it's the thought that counts. Maybe it's okay to show your appreciation to your loved ones even more than once a year ;)

So the next time I blog maybe I'll have some new pics. Please Comment and be sure to read my next issue!



LostFairy =^.^=